Katie introduced me to a deceptively simple word.

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Allow.

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For a lifelong planner,  and problem solver, this was a rather radical proposition.

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Allow what?

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Allow life to unfold without requiring that I know the outcome? 

 

Allow another person to care for me without clutching desperately at the connection? 

 

Allow myself to experience love without demanding guarantees? 

 

Allow myself to be present?

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Yes.

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Then two invitations began appearing on my heart.

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"Be still and breathe."

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"Be Gentle in all you do and I will meet you there."

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They have continued to return, without any particular schedule, ever since.

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Simple words.  Not necessarily simple things to do.

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Katie also introduced me to a poem about a river approaching the ocean.

 

The river fears that entering the ocean will mean losing itself.

 

Yet what awaits is not simply disappearance, but a recognition of belonging as part of everything.

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I began to consider the possibility that I didn't have to become someone else to find peace.

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Perhaps I already belonged.  

 

Perhaps I always had.

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Perhaps the challenge wasn't to manufacture a different person, but to begin allowing the person God had created to emerge from behind the walls.